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Love never fails

For the past two years year I've watched your little sister and wondered what you would have been like if I'd known you then.  I saw her at the point where your life fractured and my heart broke.  I looked at her before Christmas and thought, this is where you were when we met you. As we have celebrated your adoption, I've thought of where you were when you came home to us, right at the age your sister is now.
You were a baby living a life not meant for a child.  I've thought about how much she's had that you missed.

And I have to stop myself.  Because it isn't fair.. .to you or me or anyone to wonder what if.  Because we only go forward.
I've had to give myself space to mourn not getting to have the snuggles and the loves with you that the other two got from the beginning.  I've had to remind myself that I'm not to blame for not being there. That I'm the only one of the two of us who will remember we never had that.  You will only remember me a…

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