Thirteen, the first one

July 27, 2023

Thirteen, the first one

Dear Xavier,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEENAGER!

I'm still so blessed and grateful that we get to love you every day and watch you become the fabulous human being you are.

*Knowing you and seeing those details of you and how you grow. That I was right again about your little bit of hibernation layer at 11 being fuel for you to shoot up. Now it's gone again and you are a tall, Granny Ogg-style skin-and-bones teen in an adult sized body.

*Knowing we have five years until you're eighteen and the bittersweet feelings wrapped in that. Those five years will be full of helping you become an adult of character, who'll need to be ready to take care of himself. We've already seen some of the harvest of that and it warms our hearts.

*Knowing that there will always be parts of you and stories of you that only Daddy and I (Grandma/Grandpa/Shawna, etc) know and you won't remember. And while I look at you and simultaneously see that tiny baby, little boy, this teen, and the man you'll become, I realize that one of gifts of parenthood is that we get to hold that piece of you safe forever.

*Knowing that you still want to spend your pre-birthday weekend with your sisters, mama/daddy, grandma/grandpa, and choose the same things we've done to celebrate for years. The best memory was watching you play along when the waitstaff sang to you, because I know you loved it, even if you didn't eat the ice cream. Your sisters loved that!

*Knowing that you are farther and farther from wanting to snuggle and love me all the time, but that you'll show me your love through a back rub, a punny joke, or walking on my back instead. And I'll show mine by begging for a kiss, climbing into bed with you at 11AM and snuggling before I sing the wakeup song I made up 13 years ago, and that you will sometimes snuggle into my fluffy belly... the part of me I like the least, but you and the girls love the most. And that your "ughhhh" is now becoming one of my favorite sounds because it means at least you're listening to me, even if you think I'm ridiculous.

Every year, scratch that, every day is celebrating meeting a new Xavi and grieving saying goodbye to who you once were. I am so blessed that I get to be your mom and walk these moments with you. As I miss that little guy, I look forward to the man you are becoming and the future you'll experience.

I have several saved voicemails and videos I listen to so I can remember you at each stage, the tiny and the deep "hi mom", each of which make you cringe and simultaneously make me laugh and cry.

This year you went from being shorter than me, (at Labor Day I was just barely taller than you), to now inches above. I knew it was coming last year when you had that hibernation layer because that's always been how you work. Dr Quinn told us when you were two that you might be 6'1" but now I'm guessing more like 6'4" or even taller than Daddy. I love that God mixed you just perfectly to be equal parts Beckstead and Ogg.

Things we'll remember about 12... some that I almost forgot about if I hadn't look through photos.

You are the King of Facial Expressions
Your sense of humor
Your kind heart & being drawn to the little kiddos
Your gorgeous long hair... I'm loving that you'll let me braid it.
Watching old school movies that Mama & Daddy like and now understanding our inside jokes/phrases.