How could someone.....
I have sat down hundreds of times attempting to tell my adoption stories and stopped short each and every time. How is possible in a few short words and paragraphs to explain something so deep and complicated? And what right do I have to tell the stories that rightfully belong to my children and the three other women who love them as fiercely as I do? And yet, two of those women chose me, by the grace of God, because we share this common bond, this knowing that these children are a part of our hearts and sometimes love really is all there is to give. That these precious pieces of us belong to and with someone else.
So many times the door has been opened by a question and yet I've turned and run because I know the answer isn't always so easy. How could someone just give up their baby? And even though I KNOW, it is still something that is hard to share or understand. I still can't really tell you how. That girl I knew, my hero, that girl who made this woman, she chose a path, made a decision far greater and more difficult than she ever realized. She had no idea how many nights she would cry herself to sleep, how many times her heart would physically hurt, and how hard just pulling herself out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other would be. How many times "why" would echo in her brain when later it was impossible to create a baby in her womb? All she knew was that she loved that little person more than she could have ever imagined. That even on her best day, she was 17 and could never make up for the fact that she was only one person and couldn't guarantee a second parent in the picture. That by giving him life and love, she was enough and even that one glimpse of her dream of motherhood would be worth it in the end if it never happened again. That by giving him what she couldn't, she was also giving herself a similar gift, a second chance. It weighs heavy on me that looking forward to our joy means someone else leaves alone and heartbroken. Someone else misses every moment and milestone and no photo or letter will ever change that. And yet, without their sacrifice, we wouldn't have these fabulous and miraculous beings.And when my children ask, I can tell them without hesitation that yes, she loves you. Yes, she thinks about you.
How do I know? Because she could have made other choices. She gave you life. She gave you a chance.