I've waited my whole life for you

Since I was a little girl, I had always dreamed about having a blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby. I was starting to think that was all it was, a crazy dream not a premonition or a promise.

I'll never forget walking into that restaurant and sitting in the booth, waiting. Thinking we were meeting Skye's birthmom and just being introduced to her half sister.

I KNEW the minute I laid eyes on that girl.  She was mine, ours. I've done hard things when it comes to my children, but walking out of that restaurant without her almost ripped me apart. And I shouldn't have felt that way.. because it wasn't the way this story was supposed to go.

The second I looked into her eyes, I knew she was the one. The one I had dreamed about my whole life. The one I had felt so sure was out there waiting for us years before, when we hit roadblock after roadblock when navigating the adoption road.

I knew then that the meeting we just left had nothing to do with Skye. She was a done deal. What we had just been a part of was something different. Something I hadn't expected and wasn't prepared for.

That meeting day was a sign in its own right. A road trip that had to be detoured because of a closed road. Hours of trying to figure out whether there was another route we could take that would safely get us there in time or whether we were being told to reschedule... Now just another sign that detours and roadblocks were pointing somewhere, showing us that God was leading this journey, taking us a different way.

I can only recall a few occasions where I've felt like my prayers were literally a fight, taking all I had, begging and pleading. Feeling like while I had no right to ask, I had to and lives depended on it. A prayer fight that was the first of many I had and will have for this little girl. This one aimed to open hearts, to reveal which way to go, even though I knew with every piece of myself that she was ours. That we needed her as much as she needed us.

 It was nearly a 6 month wait from that day of meeting our daughter until the day she came home for the first time.

It has been a struggle and isn't always easy. There are moments where I question my sanity and wonder, what are we thinking?  Can we really do this? Are we strong enough? Is this really making a difference for all of us?

And then I remember... I cling to that moment of seeing her and knowing that she was meant for us and we were being led this way. That everything we wanted isn't easy, it isn't promised, but sometimes you just have to be brave and believe that it will all be.

That the days and the times when I don't feel loving and kind are the moments when I need it, and need to give it, the most.  That when we reach the end of the rope, we just have to hold on, breathe and go on because we aren't alone there. And maybe we just need to look around at the total picture.

Because this is what we have been waiting for.