knowing you're home

Home... where we are now happily bursting at the seams.  Where less than 8 months ago, only three people lived, counting down the days until number four, and quietly praying that maybe, just maybe, five.

Home... the word that was so clearly marked and understood in your quick and jumbled toddler-ease.  The word that means forever, love, and all of us together.

It won't be easy. There is a cost and loss. But there is hope and love. Lots and lots of love.

There is the knowing.. knowing that we are all meant to be.

Knowing that without one, and The One, we are empty, lonely, incomplete.

Knowing that the before has shaped us, but that it all was necessary to bring us to together.

Knowing that every fiber of my heart and soul belongs to these three and their daddy... that each owns me. That we are linked and part of each other.

Knowing that those days of uncertainty I kept repeating, "Swimming, swimming, just keep swimming." and the first conversation you had at the lunch table with me, after truly moving home, sparked by Dory on the napkin was "swimmy, swimmy." Knowing that there are no coincidences. That of course you knew.  Of course you were here to stay on that day and forever.

Knowing that your daddy and I will fight for you, all of you, in our hearts, on our knees in prayer, in our words and actions, until our last breath.

Knowing that God has heard every second of the screaming in my head. That the prayers didn't need to be clear or precise. That He held you and me and all of us.

Knowing that we don't have to know every second of your past to know you and your future.

Knowing that in our brokenness, we are enough.  You are enough. And you are home.


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