What a difference 10 years makes.....

I will never forget New Year's Eve 2005. Rather than my normal resolution creation/wishing for what I hoped 2006 would hold, I decided to do something different.

I decided to say a prayer and release my dream of what I wanted my life to be like and who I wanted to share it with.  I don't remember the exact wording but I remember thinking, "Please help me be okay with this life of mine, on my own.  If you send me someone, I'll be grateful to share it with him. But please help me work on myself and who I need to be to be ready for that relationship, if it ever comes. And if not, please help me be okay with that."

Seven days later.... it was like God said straight to my heart: "See I told you. You have nothing to fear. I will never leave you. I just needed you to trust me and give up control. To see that this is in my time, not yours. Have faith. It will be better than you could have ever hoped for or imagined."

I know two other occasions where we have had that same exact conversation.  The weekend, mere days before X was born, where in tears and frustration, I gave over our dreams of parenthood and let Him take that pain (and unbeknownst to me, Brandon did the same thing somewhere in the time period.)  And earlier this fall, weeks before we got another phone call, I said it out loud even though I didn't think I needed to. That I didn't think I was holding on to anything the way I had while waiting for X.

I don't call it wish fulfillment. I know that isn't how God works.  But I find it truly miraculous that whatever He is teaching me, part of the process is in my realization that I can't control all the pieces and I don't need to see the road ahead.  I just need to have faith and trust that God won't leave me alone. That he will take my brokenness, heartache, and true desires and use it for His good in His time.

And as scary and exciting as it will be, I can't wait to see what 2016 is going to hold for us.


  1. There are so many times in my life when I have felt stressed and overwhelmed. Each time when I finally realize it's because I am trying to force my will rather than let God take over, I suddenly feel so much lighter...Can't wait to come back and see all the good you have to write about this year!

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm looking forward to keeping up on my goal of writing and posting... as well as officially sharing our miraculous wonders.


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