The measure of a life
The last few months have flown by, filled with both immeasurable joy and deep soul crushing sadness.
In the midst of that, I've had thoughts of writing but when the opportunity to sit down and bring the words to life has presented itself, I'm empty.
And now... knowing that whatever I write, the one person who would love to read this and would be the most proud won't be able to tell me how great it is... even if it is the worst jumble of words imaginable.
The past six plus months have definitely tested and strengthened our faith, reminding us that our version of what should be isn't always plausible or possible.
That God's plans may not make sense now but someday all will be known and understood.
That the hiccups and roadblocks in life lead us down paths that are necessary for the next step.
That prayers aren't always answered as we want but as we need and that it isn't about asking for favors but for working on us and through us.
That family is the most important thing and that when you don't know what to say or do, you can just BE together, offering a hug, holding a hand or a baby.
That love and laughter, even irreverent and tear-inducing, can begin to heal the wounds in your soul that aren't visible to the naked eye.
That even a half dozen decades will never be enough time.
That one person continues to live in the faces, hearts, and souls of the forty-five plus people who were born, married, or adopted into the family.
That no matter how self conscious and embarrassed I got hearing the sweet words you said about me and how great you thought I was, I'll miss hearing you tell me how much you love me.
Goodbye for now, Pappy.
In the midst of that, I've had thoughts of writing but when the opportunity to sit down and bring the words to life has presented itself, I'm empty.
And now... knowing that whatever I write, the one person who would love to read this and would be the most proud won't be able to tell me how great it is... even if it is the worst jumble of words imaginable.
The past six plus months have definitely tested and strengthened our faith, reminding us that our version of what should be isn't always plausible or possible.
That God's plans may not make sense now but someday all will be known and understood.
That the hiccups and roadblocks in life lead us down paths that are necessary for the next step.
That prayers aren't always answered as we want but as we need and that it isn't about asking for favors but for working on us and through us.
That family is the most important thing and that when you don't know what to say or do, you can just BE together, offering a hug, holding a hand or a baby.
That love and laughter, even irreverent and tear-inducing, can begin to heal the wounds in your soul that aren't visible to the naked eye.
That even a half dozen decades will never be enough time.
That one person continues to live in the faces, hearts, and souls of the forty-five plus people who were born, married, or adopted into the family.
That no matter how self conscious and embarrassed I got hearing the sweet words you said about me and how great you thought I was, I'll miss hearing you tell me how much you love me.
Goodbye for now, Pappy.
What a beautiful tribute. Our hearts are with yours.
ReplyDeleteThanks Nicholle. It helps knowing we have support.
ReplyDeleteSuch sweet words (& photos!) about your relationship with Pappy. Glad your kiddos had time, albeit, short in our understanding, with him. Knowing that you all will be together again in heaven does not take the missing him or the sadness away... for now... only time will lessen that intensity. My heart goes out to you all. Sending you lots of hugs and aloha, miko sanico.
ReplyDeleteMahalo and aloha for your kind words Miko. Miss you!
ReplyDelete