Mom, why are you crying?


After having the kids pull out an outfit for school that was red, white, and blue, I decided it was time to sit down with Xavier and talk about 9/11.   At eight-years-old, we realize he is starting to be able to comprehend big things and if we don't discuss it with him, he'll hear it from someone else.  While we'd rather he not see the news footage of the planes yet,  we want him to know about the history of the day.

I was surprised that he understood what hijackers and terrorists were, thanks to a military video game. I began by talking about the planes that hit the Pentagon and the field in Pennsylvania.  For me it felt easier because I didn't see those happen live on tv. We talked about heroes and how the Flight 93 passengers saved lives.  Then on to New York and the Twin Towers.

I explained what I was doing that morning. Getting ready for college with the Today Show on in the background.  My college roommate coming upstairs and pulling me to the TV and while we were trying to comprehend what was going on, watching the second plane hit.  That was the point when X says "Mom, why are you crying?" I hadn't realized I was.

The book we read was one I'd picked up when I was teaching a first grade unit on the American flag.  September 12: We Knew Everything Would Be All Right was written by a first grade class in Missouri.  It was actually a perfect book because the first pages were child drawn illustrations of the twin towers being hit and on fire, but the rest of the book was about waking up the next day and discovering life goes on.  As we talked about patriotism, Xavier mentioned he'd be the Pledge of Allegiance leader at school in the morning (9/11).

I explained that we'd share the news videos and images with him when he was older, because we wanted him to understand it was real and not a movie or video game.  He assured me he "can handle it, Mom", but didn't push me.  As I tucked him in and closed the door, I pushed away the thought that I have to do this two more times.

During breakfast as I was scrolling social media, I ran across a collage of 9/11 images someone had reposted. I started to share them with X until I realized it also included video and I shut it down. "Mom, you're crying again."

A mom friend had shared some photos from her family trips to the 9/11 memorials so I dug deeper through her albums to find more to share with him.

Those images actually created a far more powerful lesson that my original talk with him ever could.  A picture of the Pennsylvania memorial elicited a question I didn't know the answer to: "Is the plane still in the field?"  A photo she captured of the memorial pools in NYC included the name of a woman and her unborn child.  I was touched and glad that they chose to recognize the unborn life that was taken. I watched as X processed that and he was also speechless. The final photo I shared with him was taken at the Statue of Liberty with the new Freedom Tower in the background.  I pointed out where the Twin Towers would have been and he responded with "so she saw it all..."

After we took Xavier and Lexi to school, Skye and I returned home and placed our flag in the bracket on the house.  She spent at least ten minutes staring at it through her periscope.

This evening I led a book club discussion for Towers Falling by Jewell Parker Rhodes.  When we chose the book last year, it seemed fitting to use it now, with our discussion actually happening on September 11. But as today approached, I began to question myself.  One of the discussion points was how to share the events with youth who weren't even born in 2001, while adults are still grappling with the raw, visceral emotions and the seemingly quick passage of time.

As I prepped and did my own homework, I spent time investigating the 9/11 Memorial Museum and taking the virtual tour.  I watched the live news clips to see if my own memories lined up with what truly happened.  All of these things were instrumental in feeling ready to share with X.

It turns out tonight was one of the best discussions our group has had in the five years we've been meeting.  We usually start with some type of icebreaker for introductions, yet there was no way to make today anything other than what it was.  The first person to speak started with "I remember I was..." and we spent half the discussion just sharing. Some were stay-at-home parents, some in elementary, middle, high school or college, some were working (teachers, military), and one of our participants is only 15 and wasn't even alive yet.

Beyond preparing to go to class that day and watching the second plane hit, I remember the panic and fear. Filling our cars with $1-and-change per gallon gas, hoping there wouldn't be a shortage. Wondering if we were safe in Laramie being so close to the missiles in Cheyenne.  Being only about three weeks into the semester, a lot of students in our cohort class hadn't formed relationships yet but I remember 9/11 was probably the last time we were all together before losing one of our classmates five days later in the car accident that took the lives of 8 UW cross country athletes.

We talked about how events like 9/11 and Columbine have affected America and the lives of our children, many of whom weren't even alive yet. As we look at the world now, so many things have changed and sadly, not all for the good.

Seeing Mom cry hopefully makes an impact. It is the hope that our children grow into kind, compassionate people who positively impact the world and do good things for others that makes the day bright.

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