It is the strangest notion to be madly in love with someone you haven't met and aren't carrying inside you.  I have six nephews and a niece, plus two step-nieces, two bonus nephews, and a slew of cousins, so this isn't a new concept for me, but it is still different and not what I had imagined when I daydreamed about building my family.

When we got the call in mid-October, three months and a handful of days seemed like a lifetime away.

I hate the rush of time and it seems like I blinked and X went from baby to Kindergarten.  Before Halloween it seemed like those weeks might drag and never get here.  Now that the date is set and the countdown is down to mere weeks and days, I have butterflies dancing, wings beating wildly in my stomach and chest, and can hardly sit still or sleep.

Looking back, I can see that God knew exactly what He was doing when he sent X to us as a complete surprise. It definitely rocks your world to go from impatiently waiting with no end in sight to having a baby and nothing really prepared.  I know if we had known ahead of time that I would have gone insane with the countdown and not having something else to focus my attention on.  I don't do secrets and waiting well.

I'm glad we have had time to prepare X for having someone else join us.  He loves babies and younger kids and I know he will be an amazing big brother.

Even though he knows the date and we talk every day about how much time is left, he is still so excited that when we talk about whatever is happening the next day, his response is always "Are we going to pick up my baby sister tomorrow?"

Earlier this week I merely mentioned "## days" and his face just lit up with a smile that went ear to ear, and head to toes. "Til my sister?!?"

While I can't wait to hold her in my arms and imprint that moment in my brain forever, I'm also looking forward to capturing the look on X's face when he finally sees her for the first time.

I know it won't be long before we all forget that she didn't grow inside me and that we will start to see pieces of ourselves in her.  Because even though it is impossible, X has my grandmother's long bony fingers. The same fingers that many of my cousins were born with.  X, of course, gets his height from my husband as well as the way he would choke on his food when he ate too fast, just like B did as a kid. He has my father-in-law's nose and his one-year-old picture is a dead ringer for my dad.

My niece and I look very similar even though we share not a drop of DNA.  Of my seven niblings, only one is biologically related to me. I love them all but I'm overly fascinated with that one who is and can't stop staring when I see a part of my features in his face. 

X has asked me about when he was in his angel mom's* belly and if I knew him before he was born. When I told him I used to cry out loud and ask where he was because I could feel him in my heart and soul, he said "I heard you mom. I said, 'I'm right here.'" I don't doubt that he did hear me, my little soul mate, who couldn't be more a perfect mix of his dad and I if he had been created from our DNA. 

While that small piece of me wonders how it will be possible to love two as much as I love this one, I know it is will happen. And it never ceases to amaze me how it all works.

And until THE day, I will just hold this one tight, giving him extra loves and imagining what is to come.

*We choose to call our children's birthmoms 'angel moms' for several reasons. Birthmom seems too clinical, tummy mom too juvenile, firstmom too confusing. Angels protect you, watch out for you and love you from afar. And when we said it out loud, all three of us knew it was the perfect choice.


  1. Beautiful post, Jenn! I miss you enormously, love you forever, and am so excited you get another little miracle soon! (I will be getting my first little grand niece or nephew in another month or so!)

  2. I'm super excited for you and your niece. Thanks. I miss and love you too.

  3. What a blessing. Nothing is more amazing then seeing your child change and grow into a big brother or sister!


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